For fear of losing my readers (yesterday’s entry was duller than granny pants), I feel today’s effort should be racy and risky. The answer : sex and politics all rolled into one. Seeing as I have some experience in one of the subjects and diddley squit in the other, this could prove to be difficult but I’m going to do my best. I also thought I could add some poetry, as all of my entries since New Year’s Day have been great big paving slabs of writing which tend to tire the eyes and try the brain, so here’s something lighter, fresher, naughtier and politically engaged.
(If any of my parents are reading this, do not think I in any way indulge in such practises. I remain your pure, innocent daughter, white as the snow that is falling outside and slowly blocking you in your homes.)
Strip me naked, strip me bare,
Bend me backwards, pull my hair,
Tie me up and pin me down,
Beat me on the bottom with Gordon Brown.
Take me slowly, take me fast,
Take me roughly, make it last.
Try me, tie me to a chair,
Smother me with Tony Blair.
Do it do it do it DO IT,
Do it with Patricia Hewitt,
Ride and rock and roll and ram her on,
Spurting jets of David Cameron.
Make me tremble, make me scream,
Cover me in thick whipped cream.
Lick from toe to top of leg,
Finish off with iced Nick Clegg.
Woah now baby, woah there mama,
Groaning moaning deep Obama.
Gently softly oh so cosy,
Stroking poking Nick Sarkozy.
(At least I’m sure of grabbing the attention of my brothers, brothers-in-law and male cousins thus pushing my audience numbers into double figures.)