I’m not sure what I should call my partner (yugch), boyfriend (sounds like we’re fifteen), Tommy’s daddy (sounds like we’re seperated) in this blog. His name begins with an L so I’ve been referring to him as L, but this makes him sound like a character in a James Bond film, working alongside M and Q back at headquarters on a new parachute pen. My sisters refer to my man as Lozza but that would make readers think he was an Essex boy who’d never in his life pronounced the letter ‘t’ at the end of a word, and I would pass for a Shazza, or even a Clazza. He’s French for a start and he’s very good with t’s, so Lozza is too misleading. I often call him Honey when talking to him directly, but that would just become too sickly sweet and lovey-dovey when repeated in a blog, and we’re not very lovey-dovey, at least, not since our sexy little love couple was space-rocketed to another planet – the planet Parenthood – and passion-killing logistics took over, big time. So what do I call him? Chap? Lad? Man? Homme? Ah … there’s a thought : L’homme. It’s all in there : French, man, and not just ‘a’ man – THE man – ‘Le’ with a capital L (for Lozza) – he’d be pleased with that. So I’ll be trying that out for a while.
As for Tommy, well so much for protecting the identity of my child. I used to refer to him as Tiger, but when I started writing regularly on the Ist of January this year, I started using his real name. It’s a bit late to go back to Tiger. Or is it?
Baloo has become Baloo labrador just in case anyone thinks we’ve got a second child with a kooky name whom we make sleep on a blanket on the floor and who loses her hair, Dad covers both Dads so neither of them can take me to court for anything – I’ll just say I meant the other dad – sisters are One, Two and Three (in chronological order; not birthdates but sworn-allegiance-to-my-blog dates) and brothers are Brother Brain and Brother Brawn. Mum is Mum and I haven’t thought about what I’ll call my stepmother … Mama-Step? Madre? (She lives in Spain and has Spanish looks) or even Madrastra? (stepmother in Spanish) – I’m sure she’ll hate that. I’d better find something good fast and what’s more I had better write about her soon as I’ve just realised nearly everyone else has had a mention and seeing as this blog is read solely by members of my family (with the odd, and I mean ODD exception), Mama-Paso (literally mummy-step) may well be feeling a tad peeved. So the next entry will either be a plug to her soap making villa industry (as opposed to cottage) or to her and Dad’s B&B set-up in Malaga (which is a bit pointless really seeing as you’re all family members and could go for free … oh well.)
I have just realised this entry is CRAMMED full of things in brackets (see?) – a sign that I should be signing off (and going to bed to rejuvenate my brain cells).