Top Five Search Terms

Hmm. This is telling. According to my dashboard page, the current Top Five search terms on my blog which result in people – total strangers – finding and reading me are the following : “decalotage, “circumcised british”, dangly little willies, decalotage english meaning, translate décaloter.” For those who aren’t aware of what décalotage means, I covered it in an article a few months back ( It involves the gentle but persuasive pushing back of a little boy’s foreskin in order to prevent things getting stuck (yes, I know, ow, ow and ooh blimey).  This means all five search topics involve willies. Which makes me wonder whether the recent assertion made by a friend who’s an internet expert may in fact be correct; that the majority of traffic on the internet is sexually related, or more accurately, it’s the porn pages that are pulling in the most readers, pardon – viewers – pardon, droolers. At the time I argued that sites like Facebook and ebay are surely far more widely used than any pornographic sites, but my friend said I was indeed naive and clearly not hanging out with a very varied slice of the population. Or maybe my friends just don’t happen to mention that they check out the porn stuff online.

I has to be said that “décalotage” is not, strictly, a pornographic activity. Quite the opposite in fact. It’s medical and mechanical.

I have also realised that there must be a number of English speakers trying to find out what “décalotage” means, seeing as the search engines are sending them onto my lowly blog. If you Google “translate décalotage” I’m second in line online. If you now get sent onto this page (now the word has been mentioned at least twice – hang on – décalotage, décalotage, décalotage – that should do it) things have moved on since my last entry on the subject. We stopped hassling Tommy and ignored the French doctors who were nagging at us to keep at that little foreskin, and we left Tommy’s bits alone. It doesn’t seem to have created a problem. Everyone is less traumatised, especially me. But if my blog is one of the references on the topic – and I was writing about it because I was confused – then there is a serious lack of information out there. I imagine there must be tons of British mummies like me, living in France, with little boys, and being told by the French doctors that this practise is unquestionably necessary to the genital health of their sons. Just like they think prescribing 22 different drugs, creams and lotions plus a four month stay in a spa is necessary to clean up a bout of athlete’s foot. My advice is, wash your trainers, air your feet in the sun and leave those little willies alone.

Tune in for tomorrow’s long awaited entry : Nipples.

4 thoughts on “Top Five Search Terms

  1. Well I can’t speak for everybody but I came here looking for what turns out to be “décolletage”. I heard it used in Madmen (episode that aired in 2008) and wound up having to look up the captions to find the proper spelling. According to wikipedia “the term is most commonly applied to a neckline that reveals or emphasizes cleavage.”

    • This is “décolletage”: … (skip the ad) …it means “bar turning” or “undercutting” in English. However it is sometimes used instead of the more common word “décolleté” which does indeed mean “a low-cut neckline ” or quite simply “cleavage”. I assume the reference in Mad Men was to the latter meaning… ?

      • Yep, one secretary was telling another that her cleavage was a distraction. Just thought you might like to know perhaps not everyone was search for porn related reasons. Though it eventually turned out the word I was looking for was, more or less, I didn’t know that at the time. 🙂

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