Frightened of the Frog

Every evening, when it gets dark, Léonie (2) points to the window, shivers and says “Mummy, me frightened of the frog.” Tommy (5) and I always chip in to check we understand what she means, “do you mean frightened of the dark?”. She nods and replies, “Yes. Me frightened of the frog.” So we just assume she is mis-pronouncing the word dark.

But maybe we are wrong.

Maybe there is a gigantic, drooling frog out there in the garden, one who creeps up from the valley every night and waits for me to feed the cats outside or get the laundry in, ready to leap on me and suffocate me in his frog slime, or simply blight me with his dreaded frog curse: “You will never EVER return to the stage again, NEVER! You will forever be wiping bottoms and carrying potties in your handbag and will never EVER get to sit down to eat a meal without getting up every 90 seconds to get a spoon/the ketchup/more kitchen paper. Your eyes will forever look tired and your eardrums will suffer permanent damage from toddler screams. Your friends in the theatre and film world will drift away, referring to you as ‘The Lost One’, you will end up filming yourself in character and putting the videos on YouTube in a sad attempt to continue acting, but NEVER EVER AGAIN will you reboot your career. HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA!!!”

Blimey. Now I’m frightened of the frog.



2 thoughts on “Frightened of the Frog

  1. A very frightening frog indeed. I wasn’t aware that such huge specimens haunted Ardeche. Are you doing anything about it? Your children must be pertified, when, of course, you are not wiping their bottoms or getting up to find the ketchup for them. Anyway, I hope you can reboot your career. I know a British jazz drummer in Vienne who’s really successful. But then Vienne is less out in the sticks.
    I’m not really into Facebook. Having your own blog is a better idea. I should put one together myself.

    • And I should write my own blog more regularly. Another “I should” for my list.
      If and when I reboot my career I shall splash the news across Facebook, my blog and the international newspapers (if they’re interested in the story), so you’ll know about it.

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