Here I go. It almost feels embarrassing to write anything. Three months of silence makes me feel like I have to write something really amazing, like it’s been worth the wait. Alas, this is not to be the case. But if I don’t write something right now, this very evening, I will never write again, ever.
They say once you hit 40, if you stop doing something you might never be able to do it again, so you have to never stop doing anything, or in other words, keep doing everything, which seems like a lot of things to do in a day. My day is technically over as it is half past midnight. But I’m still determined to write a snippet of something, just to oil the old writing cogs and get things going again. Also, I have something disturbing to share with you.
Léonie, my 3 year old daughter, has been threatening me. If I don’t do what she wants, or if I ask her to do what she doesn’t want to do, she gets mean. Really mean. Her latest threat is, “Mummy, I take your teeth out and put them in my mouth!” This is frightening. Not least because I don’t have dentures, which means the taking-the-teeth-out bit would involve a painful and bloody operation. And the putting-the-teeth-in-her-mouth bit doesn’t even bear thinking about. As a result, I have to do everything she asks of me, keeping my mouth tightly shut.
Another unsettling thing she says is “Ow! Mummy! My back is cracked!”. This cracking of her back happens on a daily basis. And when she can’t get up the stairs to the front door she complains that her leg bones have fallen out. Just like Jennifer Saunders, but I don’t think Léonie has seen that particular French and Saunders sketch.
There, that’s it. Cogs oiled. Hopefully they’ll be working more smoothly tomorrow. That would be good, as I have some juicy things to write about.